Ready for Simchas Torah!

Schedule of madness:

Wednesday Dinner: Newmania!
Thursday Lunch: Schpence!
Thursday Night: Richter Brothers!
Friday Lunch: We'll see...
Friday Night: Bracha
Shabbos Lunch: Schpence!

...my life is a media event.

I Hate My Job Day

So, like, I'm having an "I Hate My Job Day," and my father notices that by the fact that I was throwing a trantrum first thing in the morning. A "trantrum" is a cross between a rant and a tantrum. Anyhow, he printed out the following chain email joke and put it on two pages to increase the impact. It was very sweet:

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair.
Open the package and remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
"Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested"
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."
HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE ASS THAN YOURS.

I didn't find anything on J&J's site, of course. But I did find something on Snopes, a website that debunks urban legends. In a very Captain Obvious way, snopes illuminates,

"the point that some people are apprently missing is that rectal thermometers aren't tested by using them the very same way end consumers would."

They said, "end consumers." Reminds me of South Park episode 608 where Martha Stewart shows how to "prepare a Thanksgiving turkey for interorecto."